I've faced an interesting set of challenges these past few months. Challenges that have really shaken me to the core as to whether this path I am on is the right one for me. I love what I do more than anything in the world, but it has it's own unique challenge, at least at the point that I am right now. Almost a year ago, I took the leap out of the secure, full-time restaurant gig and tipped the scales to depending on yoga teaching more than anything else for my livelihood. It was scary but at the time, I felt like it was my only choice (I was going to shrivel up and die inside if I didn't)....I had to jump. So I did. And the universe provided me with more teaching opportunities!
Long story short, these past few months have been rough, not as dependable as before, scary, no cushion to break my fall sort of rough. I felt resistance rising in me, I started to think that everyone was judging me for this choice that I made to leave stability to pursue my dream (it can't be easy to be friends with or date someone that literally has no extra money to do anything social), I felt like I needed an escape route....something solid and dependable to get me through it.
I went out looking for additional serving jobs (I work one night a week at a lovely little BYOB), I walked confidently with resume in hand knowing anyone would want to hire me, every place I went was very interested and ready to hire me. Then I started to listen to my body. My mind was trying to rationalize this move, saying I could get through it, if only for a year.....my body was giving me major signals. That's the week my shoulder pain was so unbearable I finally sought help for it (thank you Dr. Jenna....I am shoulder-pain free now and got there in a very non-invasive way!!!) Interesting that the shoulder that is affected just so happens to be the arm that I use so frequently in waiting tables. Interesting how I had this nagging shoulder pain for almost a year and I'd just accepted that it was going to be there. I also just had this subtle, deep rooted panicked feeling at all times. My body was telling me very clearly what I didn't want to listen to....you have to TRUST what is being lined up for you.
Then, out of the blue....three yoga opportunities fell out of the sky. I had my answer, "ok universe, this is what I should be doing." I told all the possible restaurant jobs that I'd decided to go in another direction, and I jumped, yet again, into the terrifying unknown.
So that's where I am currently residing, post-second-terrifying-leap-into-fate land.
I feel blessed this chain of "coincidences" that has brought me to this point, and I've realized that it's time for me to get out of my own way. I have, and always have had, quite a nasty self-destructive side. I'm finally aware of this pattern in my life and ready to work on it....because it's getting in the way of the amazing potential I have for living brilliantly in this world!
"Yes. You can attain freedom from the unwanted part of yourself by detaching yourself from it. Nothing more. Liberation by detachment from the world is not my way. Higher than detachment is transforming what you want to get rid of."
~Rabindranath Tagore~
"Ok, Miss Yogini....how does one transform a deeply rooted pattern??"
TAPAS, BABY!!
"I thought that was small plates in the style of Spanish dining."
In the yoga tradition, tapas translates to heat, to purify, fiery discipline, to break down the things that prevent our natural light. It's developing character and refinement and putting your effort into the world for your visions, goals, and dreams to come into fruition. It's what helps you shine.
There are many tapas disciplines, as there are many unique ways we each need purify to bring out our own shining. A few examples are changing diet, exercise, asana (purifies mind, nervous system, and energetic body), breathwork, breaking bad habits, and silence.
Some of these are a little less accessible if you don't have a teacher knowledgeable in these areas or if your practice isn't quite at the point where you're ready for them. Fear not! When I'm teaching tapas in my classes, I encourage my students to look at what they are wanting to achieve, and what is lying in their way to achieving it. We can use certain techniques to increase our own fire.
For example: Student A craves more meaningful connections and relationships with people. Student A talks....A LOT, talks talks talks all the time, never stops talking or thinking....Student A has learned this behavior as a way to seemingly connect with someone or perhaps to mask their own social anxiety, but their talk gets in the way of actual connection with the person....they leave no space to slow down and listen to what anyone has to say. Student A's tapas practice could be silence. Student A could commit to a week or more of speaking only when absolutely necessary. For some people this seems silly, but for Student A, this silence could make them a little uncomfortable and encourage them to slow down a bit and just watch what's going on in their mind, and truly LISTEN to those around them instead of assuaging their discomfort around connection with chatter.
What do you deeply desire in your life? What are you doing and maybe not realizing or admitting to yourself that's getting in the way of your living vibrantly? Please share with me and let's get your internal fire a-burnin!!
In the yoga tradition, tapas translates to heat, to purify, fiery discipline, to break down the things that prevent our natural light. It's developing character and refinement and putting your effort into the world for your visions, goals, and dreams to come into fruition. It's what helps you shine.
"Tapas when done correctly becomes tejas-the radiant splendor of personality that expresses itself as courage, creativity, and love as well as the melting tenderness that draws all hearts (charisma)."
~Para Yoga Master Training Manual~
There are many tapas disciplines, as there are many unique ways we each need purify to bring out our own shining. A few examples are changing diet, exercise, asana (purifies mind, nervous system, and energetic body), breathwork, breaking bad habits, and silence.
Some of these are a little less accessible if you don't have a teacher knowledgeable in these areas or if your practice isn't quite at the point where you're ready for them. Fear not! When I'm teaching tapas in my classes, I encourage my students to look at what they are wanting to achieve, and what is lying in their way to achieving it. We can use certain techniques to increase our own fire.
For example: Student A craves more meaningful connections and relationships with people. Student A talks....A LOT, talks talks talks all the time, never stops talking or thinking....Student A has learned this behavior as a way to seemingly connect with someone or perhaps to mask their own social anxiety, but their talk gets in the way of actual connection with the person....they leave no space to slow down and listen to what anyone has to say. Student A's tapas practice could be silence. Student A could commit to a week or more of speaking only when absolutely necessary. For some people this seems silly, but for Student A, this silence could make them a little uncomfortable and encourage them to slow down a bit and just watch what's going on in their mind, and truly LISTEN to those around them instead of assuaging their discomfort around connection with chatter.
What do you deeply desire in your life? What are you doing and maybe not realizing or admitting to yourself that's getting in the way of your living vibrantly? Please share with me and let's get your internal fire a-burnin!!
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